3 Secrets to Finding Contentment In Singleness...who says single has to be miserable? 

Okay it's that time of the year again...A time when we single ladies allow society to make us feel a little crappier than we usually do. It appears that EVERYONE has a beau but us. We dread that day when we are forced to notice all of the other "happy" and "in-love" women around us who are receiving roses with charming messages, chocolate (that no one really eats but everyone wants), and the all men that will seemingly drool over everyone but us. What's wrong with us anyway? And of course, social media doesn't distract us from any of our pain because all day long, all we see are the expensive gifts and the romantic dates that "everyone else" is receiving. Why don't we have anyone to do these things for us? The day usually ends with us either determined to make the next year more special or on the verge of just giving up all in all. But what if I told you that single didn't have to mean miserable? Would you believe me? 

A year ago, I wouldn't have believed this notion, but through-out the last year, God has shown me that there is so much more to life than relationships! At this point you're probably thinking, "yeah right...girl bye," but by the end of this blog, hopefully you too will find peace in this season of being single. 

First, let's put it in perspective. Yes, you are single now, but once you're married...THAT'S IT! You'll (hopefully) never have another opportunity to be single again. Sometimes, I think that we don't fully understand the entire concept of marriage. Many of us get so caught up in the details of our big day and how exactly we want our spouse to be, but can I tell you a little secret? When done God's way, marriage is more than a wedding. Marriage is more than two attractive people publicly declaring their love for each other. Marriage is more than just sex. Yes, God created marriage to be enjoyable and pleasing unto us, but it will not always be rainbows and unicorns, or smiles and kisses. There will be rough seasons where it will be easier to just walk away than to keep fighting for your relationship and family. There will be times where you still feel alone even when you come home to the same person every night. There will be times of temptation, on both ends, and difficult times that make you rely solely on God alone. We sometimes rush to the happily-ever-after part of the relationship, without accepting the "for better or for worse," commitment that God has packaged along with it.

When you think about it, we have so much time to be married and to have kids! Why do we need to rush? We spend unbelievable amounts of time and energy thinking about how much more fun going out on a cute date would be rather than enjoying time with friends or how much we would spoil and dote on our boyfriends with the newest sneaker releases or fashions for men. We concentrate on what we don't have instead of focusing on the two things that we often neglect in a relationship: God and ourselves. In the excitement of romance, it's easy to put your relationship with God on the back burner, and it's also easy to compromise your standards, all in the name of having someone to "talk to" or tell you that you're beautiful everyday. 

During this short season of singleness, find contentment in your Creator. God is literally the author of love! God IS love! "Whosoever does not love does not know God, because God is love," (1 John 4:8). There is no greater love that ANYONE in this entire Universe can have for someone than God has for you! So why not focus on HIM? Unlike mankind, he will never break his word, nor will He break your heart. I want to encourage you to invest all of your love in Him, and He promises to give you all of the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

My second secret...? Treat God like He's your Boyfriend... *drops mic and dramatically exits*

I see you're obviously confused...so let me explain: *picks mic back up*

Recently, I decided to treat God like He is the main man in my life..because, well He is. So, I spend all of the energy that I typically would in relationship with a man, with God. How? Just as we expect to receive sweet and thoughtful good morning and good night text messages and phone calls...I wake up and read the "66-book love letter" that God has already written for me. He's pretty sweet huh? ;-) I make sure to keep in constant communication with Him, through prayer, to tell him how my day is going, who or what is stressing me out, and of course, I tell him how much I love him, how I can't picture my life without Him every night before I go to sleep. If I know my day is busy, I find creative ways to spend time with Him, even if it's only for a few minutes. I listen to my bible or my favorite "love songs" about him while walking to class or driving to work. I try my best to keep friends around me that I know "support" our relationship, and that won't add any unnecessary hate or drama to what we have going on....do you see where I'm going with this? The only thing I haven't figured out is how to Facetime..., but we'll keep it moving.  

I'll tell you another secret...

It's okay to be selfish sometimes ladies, and when you are single, you have every right to think about yourself. It's important that you learn how to have fun and enjoy your life by yourself! Why? Because if your company is so miserably boring, who else would want to be around you or even date you? Spend time getting to know YOU! Spend time healing. Spend time forgiving. Spend time getting rid of baggage from previous relationships, heartbreaks, soul-ties, and insecurities. Spend time LOVING YOU! Spoil and treat yourself! Figure out what your purpose in life is and work towards that goal! Decide which standards you will set and what you are willing to compromise on in a relationship! Figure out which areas you personally need to grow in! Being single has it's advantages. You have the opportunity to learn yourself in an entirely new way. The question is if you will take advantage of the opportunity at hand? Remember, the time of being single in your life is so very short compared to the lifetime of commitment that lies ahead of you. This short time frame is the only time you can rightfully be selfish! 

Since you're obviously not out on a date right now, (lol too early for jokes?), I want you to stop and make a list of all of the areas in your life that need improvement. Omitting nothing, search deep within your heart and revisit each of those areas of un-forgiveness, bitterness, hurt, and insecurities. As you compile this list, consider focusing on specific struggles as target areas for prayer. After you finish, I want you to say this prayer:

"Father God, 

I know you love me, and I know you want what best for me. I pray that you would allow me to find contentment and enjoyment in this season of singleness. I pray that our relationship would grow more and more each day, as I embark on this journey with you, to figure out what my destiny is, and who you have for me to be with. Lord, please remove any areas in my heart that are not pleasing to you and replace them with the fruits that bring you joy. Father, please show me how to let go of feelings of unforgiveness, bitterness, and discontentment. I pray that as I take delight in you, that you would give me the desires of my heart. Thank you for having my back always and choosing the best guy for me in advance so that I don't have to worry about it. I love you. 

Amen." 

He knows your desires, and when you seek Him, He will give them to you. 

You are beautiful. You are priceless. You are the King's daughter...so act like it. 

If the crown fits,

Just. Own. It. Darling.

Chantelle B <3